When I found out I was pregnant, I dove into researching all things about pregnancy and baby. What I regret not doing was researching and getting insight into the newborn stage or the fourth trimester as they call it. In this post, I am sharing 10 things that I wish I knew before having a baby. Not that these things would have changed my mind about becoming a mom (obviously) but I wish I was better prepared mentally for some of the things I experienced. Also, knowing some of these things would have helped me do things differently.
1. You Don’t Get Much Sleep in the Beginning and IT IS HARD
This is something that everyone talks about and I think that this is also something that no one can REALLY prepare you for it until you experience it on your own. But MAN is it hard! It may be easier for some moms but I was convinced my baby did not like to sleep!
The first two weeks were okay. Infants usually confuse the day with night and sleep during the day and are wide awake once it is nighttime. Caleb would sleep for a good part of the day and at night he would wake up every 2 hours, which is typical.
Now, after the two-week mark, it began to be so hard to put him to sleep! I tried the sleepy but awake method – he would just start crying as soon as I put him down. Even if he fell fully asleep on me, as soon as I put him down he would wake up. The worst was putting him back to sleep at night when he would wake up to feed.
2. Babies Have Irregular Breathing
After Caleb was born, I had quite a bit of anxiety. It would be so hard to fall asleep because I was scared that he would choke on his spit-up or something else would happen. I remember just watching him sleep, and his breathing would scare me! He would take really fast short breaths and then not breathe for a good several seconds. After looking this up and talking to my pediatrician, it is actually VERY normal and pretty much all babies do this. Knowing this beforehand would have really helped ease my anxiety.
3. Google Can Be an Enemy
As a new mom, I would constantly be researching different things from how many ounces should I be feeding my baby to whether something was normal or not. I quickly realized how unhelpful it was to google whenever I wanted to make sure what my baby was doing was normal. When Caleb was a newborn, he stiffened his legs all the time, and when someone pointed out that he was doing this I, of course, googled it. I ended up going down a rabbit hole which really increased my anxiety levels.
Now I know to save my questions for my pediatrician rather than researching them on my own, and if I am still not confident in their answer, then I would get a second or even third opinion. Google can be really helpful but it can also be very unhelpful and stress-inducing.
4. Being Prepared and Educated on Breasfeeding Can Really Help You Out
This is something I wish I was more prepared for. If I was to go back I would do more research on proper latching, positioning, etc. I thought breastfeeding is natural so it should just happen. BOY WAS I WRONG. It definitely took some help (from nurses and lactation consultants) and time to get it right but the hardest thing was not even the pain. The two hardest aspects of breastfeeding were: the time it took, and the emotional aspect. I wish I took some courses or talked to a lactation specialist before giving birth so that I was more prepared. They say if you stick with it for the first couple of weeks, it gets much easier!
In the beginning, it feels like all you are doing is breastfeeding or pumping! Sometimes it will take an hour to nurse your baby and since you have to feed the baby every two hours from the start of a feeding, this only leaves you one hour from the next feed.
Also, when I would start to breastfeed, this sadness would come over me out of nowhere. I did not know this was a thing but apparently, it is. When you breastfeed, the dopamine hormone drops which is the cause for sadness or feeling down. To help with this I started to do something that was entertaining whether it was reading a book or watching a video.
5. Just Because You Don’t Feel a Strong Bond with Your Baby Does NOT Mean You are a Bad Mom
This is something that I really struggled with mentally because I felt like something was wrong with me. I would go on social media and new moms would post cute pictures of their newborns and say something like “can’t get over this sweetness”, or “I never knew a love like this existed”. I loved my baby but I couldn’t relate to them. I felt a sense of responsibility and care but I didn’t have a strong bond with my newborn and it made me so guilty!
I can relate to it now because the bond grew over time and I love my baby more than anything now. I know that I am not the only one who went through this which is why I included this. If this is you, know that you are not alone, and your bond with your baby will grow.
6. Frustration with Your Baby Can Be a Thing
Newborns are so cute! How can you possibly get frustrated with them? Trust me, it happens. Especially, for a sleep-deprived mama. Caleb was very colicky and was super hard to put to sleep so, after hours of rocking him, frustration would occasionally kick in. When this was the case, I would lay him down on a safe surface and step away for a minute to just breathe and then pick him back up again.
Babies can really sense and feed off your energy so being frustrated can be really counterproductive. I found that stepping away for a minute and coming back would help put me in a better headspace, and I was able to get him to calm down too.
7. Your Relationship with Your Siginificant Other Changes
This is something I just didn’t really think about. I did hear from other moms that making time for your significant other takes more effort but I just felt like we were going to figure it out when the time came. I didn’t realize how much of your time your newborn takes up (at least mine did). This is especially true in the newborn phase. Now that Caleb is one, he still takes up most of my time but we have a routine set up with naptimes and bedtime at the same time every day. This allows my husband and I to have a planned time set aside for just the two of us. With a newborn, there isn’t really a schedule or routine so it is a lot trickier.
While it does take more effort and planning to make time for each other, your relationship doesn’t necessarily have to change for the worse. In fact, our marriage is stronger than ever with a baby. I feel like our respect for each other has grown as we watch the other person interact with and care for our baby. It also brought us even closer because we now love someone who is a part of each of us. It’s hard to explain but I expected our baby to get in between us (so to speak), but it has been the opposite. I hope that this encourages you if this is something that you are worried about. Yes, a baby can change your relationship but it could be for an even better and stronger relationship.
8. There Is No Schedule for the First Month of a Baby’s Life
Like I mentioned before, there really isn’t any schedule or routine for the first several weeks. I wish I knew this in advance so I wouldn’t feel like I was doing something wrong. Knowing this would also bring me comfort that this is just a season and it is okay. Baby would sleep whenever, and all I was doing was either putting him to sleep or feeding him. Everything else just got put on the back burner, like laundry, meals, etc.
It did affect my mood since I thrive on having a routine but now with baby number two coming soon, I know that this is just for a short period of time. I will be more prepared to just take each day as it comes, bond with the baby, and not expect things to be orderly. I will also prepare to have meals ready in advance so it is one less thing to worry about.
9. Sleep Regressions
Sleep regressions can be tough and they can last from several days to several weeks, or longer. Sleep regressions happen at different stages, and it can also happen when a baby is going through different milestones. The worst sleep regression we had was at month 4, which is common for babies to go through. Boy was I unprepared for this! I did not know what was going on until I looked it up and talked to my baby’s pediatrician. Caleb began waking up at least every hour if not every 45 minutes and it would take at least 30 minutes to put him back to sleep. This lasted for 3 months for us and that is when I decided to sleep train (best thing that happened for our family).
I don’t mean to scare you with this, just because this was my experience does not mean it will be yours too. But being aware of sleep regressions will help assure you that this is normal and nothing is necessarily wrong with your baby.
10. Emotions Go Wild
I remember coming home from the hospital and I couldn’t stop crying (happy tears). I was overwhelmed with gratitude for our healthy baby and that we were now home. My emotions took me on a wild rollercoaster for the next couple of months, and I feel this part of the post-partum period is not talked about enough. I didn’t go into depression but I definitely felt some highs and some pretty low lows. My tolerance was so much shorter and I would find myself snapping at my husband which was out of character for me.
Now, I know that post-partum hormones are a VERY REAL thing. This is also just another temporary thing and eventually, they will level out too, but in the moment it can make you feel like you’re crazy! Just make sure to take some time out of the day for yourself, even if it’s just 5 minutes alone sipping on some peppermint tea, taking some time to read a book, or asking for some help so you can take a nap.
I hope that this post on “10 Things I Wish I Knew Before Having a Baby” can be helpful in preparing you for the arrival of your little one! Again, just because I experienced all these things does not mean you will too. Every mama and baby is different but I hope that it can help you be informed and prepared. If you do have a similar experience, at the very least I hope this makes you feel like you are not alone. You got this!
Be sure to check out my post on Newborn Essentials where I share things that I actually used and loved!
