Becoming a new mom is one of the most blissful, yet challenging experiences. Everyone’s experience is different but if you are a mom yourself you will probably agree that there is nothing that can really truly prepare you for it.
It is a bit like driving. You can read about it, watch videos, or even take a class. But until you actually get behind the wheel and go for a drive, you won’t fully understand what it really entails.
The first several months after I brought my firstborn home were a complete shock to me. I realized how unprepared and unaware I was before. Having quite a bit of experience with newborns and babies in general, I thought…”how hard can it be?”…little did I know.
I now have a deep respect and appreciation for all moms because I know how hard it is sometimes.
I wanted to make this post for those who know a new mom and are unsure of how to best support her. Some of these things I had family and friends do for me, for which I am SO grateful! And some of these ideas are things I wish someone did for me during that season.
Obviously, every new mom is different, so you will have to take into consideration her personality, preferences, etc. One new mom would love it if someone came and washed the dishes or folded the laundry, while another has her own way of doing things and would find it more helpful if someone would hold her baby while she did the household chores herself.
I was also someone who hated asking for help or was uncomfortable letting someone know what I needed help with when they asked. I secretly wished they would just do it instead of asking me, but then again they might not know what I want them to help with.
So if that is you, unsure of how you can help, here is a list of practical things you can do to help a new mom out.
Bring a Meal
With learning how to take care of my postpartum self and a new baby, there was literally NO TIME for making lunch or dinner. I was so grateful to have friends and family that would come over with a meal.
When in doubt, (if you are not too close to the new mom) just bring over a meal. It will always be appreciated and can be saved for the next day if they already have dinner for that day.
Meal Delivery Gift Card
Another great way to provide a meal if you are not a great cook is to bring takeout or a food delivery service gift card. My husband’s coworker gifted us an UberEats gift card and I thought it was so thoughtful and brilliant!
Hold the Baby
I remember feeling so relieved when someone would come over and just hold my baby while we visited. My firstborn had reflux and was very fussy. I held him almost 24/7 so to have someone come over and just hold him was already a huge help.
Not every mom wants others to hold her baby so if you are unsure just ask if she does not mind.
Let Her Nap
Any mom of a newborn would love an opportunity to sneak in an extra nap. If this new mom in your life is someone you are close to, offer to take care of her baby while she naps.
It was the biggest gift whenever someone would come over to watch my baby so I could take a nap. There were times when I was barely functioning and wondered how I would make it through the day. On those days, I had to ask my mom or sister to watch my newborn so I sleep for a couple of hours.
Do the Laundry
This may not be helpful to every mom, because some like it when things are done in a particular fashion. But if you know the mom well and know that she would not mind you folding the laundry then this is a huge help! With a new baby, it seems like the laundry quadruples!
Clean
Not only does the laundry pile up but it seems like the house gets messy so much quicker when you bring home a newborn. And finding the time to clean is so much harder!
So if this is your sister or a close friend, she will probably be super thankful to find that you vacuumed the carpets, or washed the floors, or cleaned the counters. When in doubt, just ask if she doesn’t mind.
Just Hang Out
Maybe it’s the hormones or the dramatic life change, but becoming a new mom can often make you feel very lonely. I remember feeling so much better when a friend would come over just to chat and see the baby. And when I didn’t see anyone (other than my husband) for a couple of days, the baby blues would creep in.
So don’t forget about the new mamas in your life. They may not be able to go out whenever they want to anymore, but they still need connection and fellowship. Sometimes your company is all that’s needed.
Make a Mommy Self-Care Basket
This is a sweet and thoughtful gift idea that will be very much appreciated! Put together a “self-care basket” with whatever you think the new mom would like.
Here are some ideas:
-nail polish
-face masks
-body oil
-PJ set
-a lip mask
-gratitude journal
-slippers
-necklace
-shower steamers
If you would like more specific ideas, check out my New Mom Gift Guide.
Watch Baby While She Does Household Chores
Some moms would prefer if someone came to hold their baby while they did the household chores themselves.
If you know that she would prefer to do things herself, let her know that you can watch the baby if she wants to get things done around the house.
Bring Healthy Snacks
I remember always wanting something to munch on after having a baby. Breastfeeding makes you extra hungry!
One way to support a new mom is to put together a basket of healthy snacks to bring over. This can be things like protein bars, lactation cookies, dried fruit and nuts, hummus, fresh fruits and veggies, etc. Anything you think that she might enjoy.
Pick Up Groceries
Getting out of the house with a newborn is difficult, especially as a new mom.
If you are planning to visit, ask her if you can pick up any groceries on your way over. There are many grocery delivery options out there, but this thoughtful gesture will really show that you care.
Call Or Text Before Showing Up
Most people do this already, but this is for the really close friends and family that usually stop by on a whim.
Ask her in advance if she doesn’t mind company, or at least let her know when you will be coming.
Knowing that you are not forgotten and that people want to see you after you have given birth is so nice. But… she may just want to nap with her newborn, or maybe she is in a robe without having her hair or makeup done and she would like to get dressed before seeing anyone.
Do Not Offer Advice Unless Asked
There are so many opinions when it comes to parenting. As a new parent, this can bring a lot of anxiety when you are trying to do things a certain way because that is what you were told to do, but it’s just not working for you or your baby. I know I’m not the only one that’s been there.
Even if you have experience with your own children, let her figure out her own way of doing things and hold off on giving any advice unless she asks.
Nail Salon Gift Card
Give her a chance to pamper herself with a nail spa gift card. She barely has any time for herself and may not be feeling her finest right now. This is the perfect time to give her the opportunity to feel a little bit more put together by getting her nails done.
Let Her Know She Does Not Need to Entertain or Host You
If you are visiting a new mom that you’re not super close with, she may feel like she needs to host and entertain you. You can simply let her know that she can do whatever she needs to and that she does not need to entertain you while you are there.
Give Her a Break Out of the House
I remember the first time I left the house after having my first baby. It felt incredible after being inside for over a week! Although I was a bit anxious to leave my newborn for the first time, I really needed that time to rejuvenate my mind.
Offer to watch the baby for a couple of hours so that she can leave the house. You may need to assure her that everything is going just fine while she is away.
Pray for Her
Don’t ever underestimate the power of prayer. It is one of the most impactful ways you can support a new mom. There can be so many different challenges in this season of life (medical challenges, breastfeeding issues, depression, anxiety…the list can go on), and she may need the support from prayers now more than ever!
Let her know that you are praying for her. It will mean so much to her, knowing that she is not alone.
Offer Words of Affirmation
Tell her she is doing a great job or that she is a good mom. I remember receiving these words myself, and I was moved to tears. Someone told me I was doing a great job on one of my difficult days when I felt like I was failing.
Words have power, and she may really need the encouragement in this current season. So if a new mom that you know comes to mind, shoot her a text and let her know that she is a wonderful mom!
