After our toddler turned two, we noticed that our sweet little boy began misbehaving and ignoring us more. It was like he suddenly realized that he actually has a choice of whether or not he wants to listen.
While I know this is TOTALLY NORMAL for children at this age, I also understand it is my responsibility to instill and cultivate obedience in my children.
Children are born with different temperaments. Some are more curious and energetic, while others are calm and easygoing. Some are more mischievous, while others are more sweet-tempered and quicker to obey.
HOWEVER, oftentimes there are mistakes we make as parents that actually TRAIN our children NOT TO LISTEN to us.
Now, I wanted to make sure I was not doing this unknowingly!
After doing some research and observing my own toddler, I have found four reasons why a toddler may not listen, as well as some tips to get them to start following directions the first time.
*DISCLAIMER: I am not a parenting expert by any means. I am just sharing things I have found to be the case in my parenting journey and what has worked for us.
First, let’s start off with some things that can prevent toddlers from listening.
1. Basic needs are not met
The following are six examples of a toddler’s basic needs:
- Sleep
- Attention & Affection
- Food
- Independence
- Safety & Security
- Movement
Unmet needs lead to emotional dysregulation.
Now imagine getting a toddler who is having a meltdown to listen and obey. That is probably not going to happen.
The first thing to consider if you have a toddler who consistently does not listen is if they are getting these basic needs met. Here are some questions to ask yourself:
Are they overtired? Hungry? Have too much unspent energy? Did they get your undivided attention today?
A content toddler who has his or her needs met is much more likely to listen and follow directions.
2. They are Distracted
Being a parent of a toddler, you know how short their attention span is! They are always on the move and doing something.
Now imagine yourself, if you are focusing on a task and someone says something to you. Do you sometimes find yourself having to stop and ask them to repeat what they just said? I know I am guilty of this for sure!
The same is probably true for toddlers. Sometimes, while we are in the middle of cleaning or doing some kind of task, we call over to our toddler as he or she is also busy doing something too. They are not likely to listen to what we are saying because they are distracted.
We may then repeat ourselves a couple more times until we get frustrated and eventually raise our voice (which finally gets their attention!).
If this happens often, your child is probably conditioned to ignore you until you yell because they know that they still have some time before they have to do what you say (which is when you finally yell at them).
3. There are no consequences
Kids push boundaries all the time.
If they realize that there are no consequences to following directions, then why listen if they can just do what they want instead?
I find that when I ask my toddler to do something, there are times he won’t listen until I lay out the consequences.
4. They don’t understand
Sometimes the instructions we give to our toddlers are either too long or too vague. This can be overwhelming and cause them to ignore us too.
An example of giving vague instructions is saying, “clean up your toys”. What you can say instead is, “put your trucks in the bucket, please”.
Other times, we may give too many instructions at once. This can also be overwhelming and keep a toddler from understanding what is expected of them.
Tips to Get Toddlers to Listen the First Time
I know this may sound like an impossible task but there are things that we can do to teach our children to listen the first time.
Getting your child to listen and follow directions is like training. There are things that we can do as parents to cultivate obedience in our children. Just like there are things we sometimes do unknowingly that train our toddlers to not take us seriously and therefore, not listen.
Tip #1: Get Down to Their Level
It is much more difficult to pay attention to someone talking over our heads or across the room when we are in the middle of something. This is especially true for toddlers, whose attention span is pretty short!
To let your child know you are serious about the instructions you are giving, kneel down to their level. This will direct their attention to you and what you have to say.
Tip #2: Make Eye Contact
Along with getting down to your toddler’s level, making eye contact with your child also lets them know that you are serious and expect them to listen. It is another way to ensure that you have their full attention.
Tip #3: Give Clear & Specific Instructions
When giving instructions, it is important to be specific and choose words that are age appropriate.
Give one instruction at a time so that they don’t get overwhelmed.
Doing this will help your toddler understand exactly what is expected of them.
Tip #4: Implement Consequences
There have been times when I would give my toddler directions, and he would continue to ignore me until I implemented consequences (sometimes after the fifth or sixth time of me repeating myself).
If you want your toddler to follow directions the first time, it is important to implement consequences the first time.
Tip #5: Be Consistent
Just like with any other type of training, it is important to be consistent. This will help create a habit of obedience in your children so that when you give instructions, they will know they are expected to obey.
This means being consistent with your tone of voice, getting down to their level, and implementing consequences.
