It has been two months since the birth of our second son, Benji (I can’t believe how fast time flies!!). Transitioning from 1 to 2 has been much easier than from 0 to 1 for me. I had a pretty difficult postpartum experience with my first (being in school at the time could have contributed to it) so I was worried that it would be even more difficult this time around since I would have two under two. Caleb was 20 months old when Benji was born and at the time of my writing this, we have 1.5 months to go until I no longer have two under two.
Although I can’t say that it has been an easy time, I do want to encourage other moms who are about to have their second child by saying that it has not been as hard as I thought it would be.
I am by no means an expert at parenting and we definitely don’t always have it all together. Some days are very challenging and some are easier. However, there are 10 things that have helped us during this season of life, and so I wanted to share these tips for life with two under two and hope that they can help someone else who already has or is about to have two under two as well.
Stick to Your Toddler’s Routine (as much as you can)
Bringing home a new baby is a HUGE change for a toddler who probably didn’t know what was coming in the first place.
Sticking to their routine as much as possible after the arrival of the second baby can help everyone out. Your toddler will be in much better spirits knowing what to expect and it can help you have somewhat of a structure during this time of adjustment.
Things may feel a little chaotic during this time…
BUT this is totally normal AND temporary!
Keeping your toddler’s routine will help things feel a little bit less chaotic and will reduce the number of meltdowns which in turn, will help your sanity!
I personally love having a routine! I feel like it helps our day run more smoothly, more things get done, and my toddler is in a much better mood!
Don’t Stress the Small Stuff
I have to admit, this is a hard one for me.
I know that I need this reminder from time to time and so here I am giving you one as well.
Remind yourself that this is temporary and that your children will never be this small again.
In the grand scheme of things that pile of laundry or the dishes in the sink don’t matter all that much. And if it’s already 6 pm but your bed is not made, it’s okay.
Some days you will have your bed made, dishes put away, and laundry folded…and some days nothing will get done.
If you are someone who loves things to be neat and orderly, that time will come again. However, now is your time to savor the moments with your little ones because these days will be gone before you know it!
Set Your Expectations Low
I feel like I have been able to adjust to two under two more easily because of this very tip.
Expect things to be messy and chaotic for a time.
Don’t expect to get much work done.
Expect it to take a long time to get out of the house.
Expect your toddler to have more meltdowns than usual.
I know it may be a little overwhelming and even stressful to expect these things. BUT, if you accept the fact that this may be your reality for some time then you may find that it turned out to be much easier than you thought it would be.
This can help prepare you mentally for the challenges that may come.
Prepare Your Partner
With our first child, I assumed that my husband would just know how to help out and be supportive when I needed him. Looking back I know I should have been more specific and communicated more when I needed his help.
As a mom, you have carried this child for nine months, went through labor, and now may be bonding through breastfeeding your baby. This is why moms are just naturally more intuitive of the baby’s needs than dads are.
Especially if you are breastfeeding, your partner may not have as much time with the baby as you do and you will need to communicate and be specific about when you need them to help out. Don’t expect them to know.
When I was expecting our second, I asked my husband to help out by being at home and taking care of our toddler for two weeks. This meant he would have to get up at night if Caleb would wake up, make him breakfast, and take care of him until bedtime. When Benji was born, my husband already knew what to expect and how he would be helping out. This saved us from miscommunication and unmet expectations.
You can prepare your partner by asking him for help in advance or by letting him know that things may look a little different for a while so that he can know what to expect.
Remind Yourself That This Is Temporary
My toddler is currently having another meltdown which has woken up the baby who is now crying as well (after only 20 minutes of napping). The house is a mess and we are still all in our PJs even though it is already past noon.
Some days are HARD (like this one).
When you’re in the thick of it, it is hard to imagine the silver lining (or things getting easier in this case). Even though you may know that this is temporary, it may not feel like it at times. And that is why when you are having a particularly challenging moment…or day…or even week, remind yourself that THIS IS TEMPORARY.
Say it OUT LOUD to yourself.
That is what I do when things get overwhelming and hearing it out loud really helps.
Toddler Proof Your Home
With Caleb being 22 months old, he can now open all the doors and drawers. Before we installed our drawer locks it was a constant battle with him taking out snacks and me having to come and put them back.
This resulted in quite a few tantrums…
Now with another baby in the home, having those door and drawer locks is CRUCIAL because I am not always able to come to my toddler right away. I know that he is not able to reach anything unsafe and he knows what he can and can’t open which has helped with the tantrums as well.
Wear Your Newborn
So many moms say that this is what has really helped them with two under two. I decided to try it out and I can now say that it is definitely helpful!
It took me a while to get used to carrying my baby and was not comfortable at first. I have the Solly wrap and in the beginning, it felt like my baby would fall out, and when I did wrap it tighter it felt like he was too snug.
Now with some practice, I feel like this is the best hack for having two under two and being able to get things done. There are so many wraps and carriers out there. I personally love the Solly one. There is a bit of a learning curve but once you get used to it, it will be a lifesaver!
Get Up Before Your Toddler
On the days when I sleep in and get woken up by my toddler, I stay in my PJs late into the day, my bed stays unmade, and the entire day just feels like I’m three steps behind.
I try to wake up an hour before my kids so that I can start my day on the right foot. During this time, I get ready, make my bed, and read my bible. It makes such a huge difference in my mood and my productivity. It’s important for me to be able to read my bible in the mornings so that I can start my day feeling grounded and with the right outlook.
This is something that has helped me have more peace and joy, and just be a better mom. I can see the difference in my toddler’s behavior when I am in a good mood versus when I am frustrated.
Now…this may not always be realistic. There are nights when my 2-month-old has 5-hour stretches of sleep and on those days I am able to do this. However, there are other nights when I am up for a couple of hours at a time trying to put my baby back to sleep. On those days an extra hour of sleep is necessary for me to be able to function during the day.
So while this is something that definitely helps me have a better day, I realize that it is not always possible.
Implement Toy Rotations
Toy rotations are awesome! It helps with keeping our home less cluttered and keeps my toddler entertained longer. And that is something I need with having two under two.
We like to rotate the toys every two weeks. I find that this allows my child to have enough time to enjoy his toys without getting bored of them quickly.
Since we live in a small house under 1,000 square feet, the toys are kept in our living room. I like using these baskets from Target for aesthetic purposes.
Don’t Forget to Eat!
With another child added to the family, there is even less time to yourself.
I find that it’s important for me to have ingredients for quick easy meals so that I don’t just snack all day. However, I also like to keep some healthy snacks to have between mealtimes because we all know how hungry breastfeeding can make you feel.
Maternal depletion is a real thing when a mother is depleted nutritionally, hormonally, and emotionally. It’s no wonder when you consider how much a mother has to give to be able to carry, deliver, and raise a baby. This is why it is SO important to take care of your nutrition because it can impact your hormones, your mood, your energy, etc.
